Bob Hope based nearly an entire decade of success on his well-timed one-liners. Here is a sampling of Hope wisecracks:

On world leaders

FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT:
'I understand that Mr. Roosevelt has been conferring with Winston Churchill on war strategy--war strategy meaning when and where will we attack the enemy and how will we keep Eleanor out of the crossfire.'

- 'Five Women I Love,' 1966

DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER:
'This is Bob Hope telling all you presidential candidates to use Pepsodent and you'll never have to pout, 'cause your teeth won't be like Eisenhower and decide to drop out.'
(A dig at '48 presidential hopefuls including a plug for his radio sponsor.)

- From 'Don't Shoot, It's Only Me'

JOHN F. KENNEDY:
'It's been a slow year back home. Only one Kennedy got elected.

'The Kennedys had a nice Christmas. Jackie got a new pair of water skis. The president got a pair of hair clippers and Ted got a nice present ... Massachusetts.'

- 'I Owe Russia $1,200'

RICHARD NIXON:
'... I sat beside Mrs. Nixon and was just getting absorbed in my Beef Bordelaise when I glanced up and saw one of the Golddiggers holding out her menu to President Nixon. I'd warned everybody beforehand that you're not supposed to ask for seconds at the White House, so I couldn't figure out what was up. It all came clear in a few seconds when the president pulled out a pen and signed the menu. Pretty soon half the people in the room were lined up in front of him, and I'd turned the color of the Tomatoes St. Germain I was eating. One of the military aides tried to call a halt to the stream of autograph seekers, but the president just waved him off and kept on signing. I started apologizing to Mrs. Nixon, but she interrupted me -- by holding out her menu and asking for my autograph!'

- 'The Last Christmas Show,' 1974

GERALD FORD:
'I play golf with him up in Aspen and I'm always having to come up with fresh stuff. I tell him he's the best driver since Ben Hur.'

- The Desert Sun, Jan. 11, 1989

On USO tours

WORLD WAR II:
'One soldier stationed here got a citation for bravery. He ate in the mess hall. When you come in you get a fork and knife. And when you go out you get a Purple Heart. ... You know what a sailor is--that's a wolf in ship's clothing.'

- New York Times Magazine, May 23, 1944

KOREA:
'How about this weather? All day long my undies have been creeping up on me looking for a place to hide. If they find one, I'm gonna crawl in myself.'

- 'The Last Christmas Show'

VIETNAM:
'The band was very sweet ... They gave me a lovely going-away present to wear over there ...a pair of black pajamas. It's a gorgeous material ... some kind of an open weave ... which exactly matches my skin after the shots.'

- The Desert Sun, Dec. 20, 1965

THE GULF WAR:
'I'll swing this (wedge) a few times. I figure the sand will be good for my golf club. In Vietnam I took a driver.'

- The Desert Sun, Dec. 24, 1990

GOLF:
'I wear Arnold Palmer shoes, Arnold Palmer pants and Arnold Palmer shirts, but I play golf like Betsy Palmer.

'I'll need three caddies, please. One to carry the bag and two to carry me.'

- Sports Illustrated, June 3, 1963

THE DESERT:
'The wind never blows in Palm Springs. Well, nothing to speak of ... of course, I was surprised the other morning when I went outside to pick up the paper and unfolded a copy of the Sacramento Bee ...This is the classiest desert spa in the world. Where else can you find a lizard wearing an alligator vest?'

- Palm Springs Life, March 1964

TELEVISION:
'I had to sign with NBC. I don't have the legs for a part on ''Baywatch.''
(From a statement released by Hope announcing his television plans for 1996)

- The Desert Sun, Dec. 7, 1995

RETIREMENT:
'People ask me why I don't retire and go fishing. I have one stock answer that sums it all up. Fish don't applaud.'

- 'Don't Shoot, It's Only Me'